Dear Todd, I Have a Crush on My Neighbor’s Wife. What Should I Do?

Enjoy this Sunday archive selection from one of our favorite regular contributors, Todd!!!


By Todd!!!!

First, consult the Bible. It’s full of advice on making it with the ladies.

Here, the 10th Commandment is most germane. It states: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors ox,” which probably applies to wives, too. [But remember, we’re talking about the Tenth (i.e., the least important) Commandment. So, to be safe, check your HOA covenants regarding livestock.]

If your neighborhood doesn’t permit livestock, then it doesn’t permit your neighbor’s ox, which, Biblically speaking, means it doesn’t permit his wife, either.

So, you’re obviously entitled to go to your neighbor’s house and remove said ox, at which point she’s yours!

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