By Linda Chandanais
Am I drunk, you ask? I’ll have you know I haven’t had an ounce of liquor in over twelve —
I’m as sober as a field mouse on its way to a bar mitzvah.
You’ve never heard that before. Really?
You’re right, last night I had quite a snootful but — hey, were you there?
Oh— you’re the bartender.
I’ve not gone this long without drinking since I was twenty when I abstained for thirty hours.
Oh, wait. I was thirty, and it was twenty hours.
Anyway, I’m proud of myself.
This deserves a celebration. Give me a shot of Jack.
Linda Chandanais writes because she “can’t stop.”